What’s Wrong with Comparing Relationships?

 

In the midst of laughing about craziness at work and little silly things happening on the home front, my girlfriend says, “ I wish my husband were like yours.”   Immediately, I recalled a conversation I had with my sister Lawanda on the risk of comparisons.    LaWanda said, “ I never compare myself or any part of my life with anyone or anything because regardless of my personal assessment, I run the risk of failing.”    

She continued, “When I compare myself to others I will either see myself above, equal, or beneath the person, and any one of the three can be dangerous to my growth.   

I couldn’t agree with her more.  When we compare our marriages and families with others we run the risk of seeing our marriages as above, the same, or less than the marriage used in the comparison.  Whether it’s comparing our relationships to the marriage of the President of the United States, our local church pastor, best friends, or the neighbor down the street, we enter into one of the following three danger zones.

 Comparison Danger Zone #1:  Better Than status:  When we see our marriage relationship as being better than others, we may stop putting forth the necessary effort to maintain a thriving marriage. The apostle Paul warned us of this in Romans 12:3 when He said,’ do not think of yourselves more highly than you ought…”   All good and perfect gifts come from God (and a healthy, thriving marriage is truly a gift). In enjoying the gift of a healthy marriage, keep in mind Paul’s words of not having superior attitudes of self-righteousness.

Comparison Danger Zone #2:  Equal To status:  A relationship viewed as being same or equal to others, runs the risk of not being all that God has called it to be.  When couples become satisfied with status quo, complacency often develops which then leads into mediocrity.  In other words, your marriage could have the potential of being a Rolls Royce, but you settle for a Honda because that’s what everyone else drives.

Comparison Danger Zone #3:  Less Than status: The danger of rating a relationship less than others can cause the relationship to become static and steal.  Water that becomes stale and static over time begins to smell bad, and motionless marriages do to!  Unchecked thoughts of being less than or having less than someone else can quickly lead into ungodly thoughts and  emotions like, depression, envy, or lust of all which takes a relationship on a downward spiral. 

After much thought and meditation on comparing relationships, I am fully convinced that the better state for me is to know God’s plan for my marriage and focus totally on living a life that moves me, day-by-day, closer to the wife God has called me to be.  When I look at my marriage, I am only comparing it to the word of God.   I think this may be what the apostle Paul meant when he said, “ I am running the race that is set before me.” 

I urge you not to sabotage your love life this Valentine by comparing your wife, husband, or children to someone else.  Instead, focus on the uniqueness of your spouse and family as they line up with the will of God.

This Valentine’s day enjoy the love of your life!   

Marriage is simply divine,

Yvette