Disappointment is like love; they both come with living. The thing I dislike most about disappointment is that it can grow into depression, if allowed. That’s the observation I’ve made this month of March. I am not sure if it’s the long winter this year or the continuation of a down economy, but for certain there is a spirit of hopelessness that is looming in our atmosphere. Just this month alone, I’ve received over a dozen of phone calls from people who are tried, unhappy, and seeking ways out of an fulfilling marriage.
Whether it be from moms who are physically and emotionally tried of running kids from here- to- there while keeping up with the demands of a home, work, and sometimes school; to fathers who see themselves trapped between a rock-and- a hard place because of unemployment, low employment, or low self-esteem, I’ve heard these phases: ‘I am not happy; I am depressed, I want a divorce.”
For many married folks, often feelings of unhappiness and depression are contributed back to the spouse. Where did the idea come from that when a married person is unhappy, it must be because of the spouse? Where I don’t believe this to be the case it does appear to be the thought pattern of many, because divorce is usually the second word spoken after ‘unhappy.’ Why is that? Do people get married hoping that their spouse will be the happy pill that forever fulfills their happy bucket? Do you think that all unhappiness, disappointments, and depression really can be contributed back to a spouse? I don’t think so. I think regardless of who we are or who we married, life will bring some levels of joy, happiness, and even disappointments. When we focus on the disappointments of life, we’re giving the disappointment the potential to grow. When disappointment grows, it appears in our lives in the form of hopelessness, unhappiness, and depression.
The other night while having dinner with a long-time friend, I heard the cry and saw the baby of disappointment. The conversation of dreams we once shared of jet setting around the world with our husbands and children had been replaced with conversation of one hopeless, one faithless, one dreamless word-after-word. Then finally she asked me this question, “How is it that these wonderful things keep happening for you?” I was silent for a moment and I wondered, does she really think that I’ve not been hunted, betrayed, or disappointed? My answer to her was simply this, “I decided long ago that I would believe God’s word, fully. He said if I trusted him (Isaiah 49:23b) I would not be disappointed. I don’t look for my husband, son, parents, siblings, friends, or job to fulfill me, to be my peace, my joy, or source of happiness. I trust God in these areas and others. And, honestly it’s His faithfulness that has allowed me to live my dreams.
Yes, I’ve had setbacks, too. And things do not always go the way I had planned, but God’s provision has exceeded even my expectations. I’ve found it impossible to stay in a state of hopelessness and disappointment when I trust God ….. so I make sure no matter how busy or hard things get, that I pray, study the Bible, and communicate with faith-minded people.” I refuse to accept anything in my life that does not line up with the word of God. So the spirit of depression, hopelessness, or giving up on my family is not welcome in my house.”
How do you handle disappointment?
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