Marriage: Trick - or- Treat?

Is your spouse the person you thought he or she was while you were dating?  In other words, has he/she been a trick or a treat?

If you see your spouse as a treat/ someone you’re very blessed to be sharing your life with, then continue to give God the thanks and glory for your relationship.  However, if you’re feelings like thousands of others that your spouse has been a trick, there is hope.

Take action today to turn things around.  It is not too late.  Whether you’ve been marriage for a year or 30 plus years, it is not too late to turn your marriage into a treat that glorifies God.

You can start by having a conversation with your spouse about making changes in your marriage that includes both of your desires. Are you afraid to talk with your spouse about how he/she has changed?   Know that research shows that unresolved issues continue to push couples apart and ultimately ends with two people who are unhappily married. If you and your spouse are stuck in the mud, discuss together how you can get out.  Divorce is not the option; consider counseling, or marriage education classes, if you need a little support with making the change or starting the conversation.  

Remember your marriage should be a treat, not a trick.

Makrothume

 

Makrothumeo is the Greek word for forgive. Its literal meaning is ‘have patience with me; give me time.”

How much time? Seventy times seven was Jesus' reply when Peter asked him this question. Forgiveness is an important part of all relationships. Without forgiveness relationships can be hindered for both the person needing forgiveness and the person doing the forgiving. According to professors Frank Fincham and Julie Hall at the University of Buffalo and Steven Beach, at the University of Georgia, when partners hurt each other, there is often a shift in their goals for their relationship. They might have previously professed undying love and worked hard to cooperate with their partner, but if this partner betrays them, suddenly they become more competitive. They focus on getting even and keeping score instead of enjoying each other. They concentrate on not losing arguments rather than on compromise. They use past transgressions to remind the partner of his or her failings. Forgiveness, assert Fincham and his colleagues, can help restore more benevolent and cooperative goals to relationships.”

The bottom line is that all relationships will be tested. Couples who have the right skills to forgive are the ones that score big. Forgiving People are indeed happier and healthier!

Labor Day Weekend Date Night Ideas: ATL

What are you doing this Labor Day weekend?  This is a great weekend for a date night. Divine Marriages is premiering its newest blog, Great Dates Atlanta. This blog is designed to provide singles and married couples with fun and exciting date ideas in the Atlanta and surrounding areas. 

Here are Five  dates you and your honey can do to kick-off your Labor Day weekend …  

1.    FREE Concert:  Keith Sweat

Sunday, September 2^nd;  6:00 p.m. to 11:30 p.m.

2012 Sizzling Summer Concert Series

1000 Shannon Mall , Union City, GA 30291

2.    Improve Comedy Club: Dad’s Garage Theatre

Thursday – Saturday; 8:00 p.m. & 10:30 p.m.

280 Elizabeth St. N.E., Atlanta

404-523-3141

 (Thursday’s are student  nights: show is ½ off with valid I.D.)

3.     Martinis and Imax: Born to be Wild

September 1^st, 2^nd, & 3^rd.

Fernbank Museum of Natural History

767 Clifton Rd. NE, Atlanta, GA 30307

404-929-6400 or www.fernbankmuseum.org

Friday* from 6:30pm to 11pm for live music or a DJ a full bar  and tasty nibbles, and cap  off the evening with a flick on the biggest screen in town in Fernbank's IMAX^® Theatre. Call or go online to check out the other shows playing at Fernbank.

 

4.    Quickshot Shooting Range

Daily – 9:00 am – 10:00 p.m.

1199 Zonolite Roage, Atlanta, 30386

404-963-1962

 

5.    For next week:  What I Learned in Paris, an Atlanta Love Story

September 5^th – 30^th.   Alliance Theatre at the Woodruff Center 1280 Peachtree Street NE
Atlanta, GA

Time: Tuesday, Wednesday & Thursday, 7:30 PM
Friday, 8:00 PM
Saturday, 2:30 PM & 8:00 PM
Sunday, 2:30 PM & 7:30 PM

Cost: $30.00- $40.00/person

For More Information Visit: http://alliancetheatre.org/

Do you have some great date ideas in the Atlanta metro area or some great date ideas that could be done in any city?  Share them with us by sending me an email at info@yvettegavin.cominfo@yvettegavin.com  Or, write your recommendation in the comment section on this blog.

Note:  To continue to receive inspiring marriage tips and perspectives from Yvette, sign-up for Yvette’s 60-seconds or less weekly Marriage Tips by clicking here.

It's not what you say; it's how you say it!

Honey or Vinegar?

Do you yell? One of my mom’s favorite aphorisms is: You can catch more flies with honey than vinegar.’ Isn’t that the truth when it comes to speaking to your spouse and kids? Yelling is like using vinegar when we want a "honey" outcome.

Whether you grew up in an environment where yelling was the norm or not, “Yelling at your spouse induces fear, just as it does in a child”, says Marriage Therapist, Jim Hutt, Ph.D. " If you want your spouse to think about what you say, the odds for that increase when you speak in a way that does not produce fear".

The brain reads yelling as DANGER, and it immediately goes in to fight or flight mode, says Hutt. Your spouses behavior, at this point, will probably range from yelling back/defensiveness (fight mode) to silence/withdrawal (flight mode). Neither produces a good outcome for your relationship.

If you aren’t able to express your feelings without yelling, try writing them down on paper or in an email. Your partner may “hear” you for the first time in a long time.

For additional Alternatives to Yelling, send me a post and I've send you the list. 

Are you Dating?

James & Yvette 25th Wedding Day 

It has been 25 years and James and I are still dating! To celebrate our silver wedding anniversary, we took a trip to the Grand Cayman Islands.  It was like one big, week-long date where the focus was on just us.  There were no late-evenings in the office, no bills to pay, no phone calls to return, no house to clean; it was just the two of us sitting on a raft in one of the most beautiful blue-green oceans I’ve seemed.                                                                                                                     

Getting on that inner-tub-like raft was an adventurous moment for me.  Even after two sets of swim classes, I am still not comfortable with my ability to swim.  So, I let my fears and doubts go and trusted James to keep me safe.  It was a surreal moment lying out in the ocean with him because it reminded me of our beginning when I trusted him with my whole heart.                                 

 

At that time, it didn’t matter that he still manages to miss the dirty clothes hamper. All that mattered was that we were relaxing and exploring something new, together.

That’s what dating does for every couple, provides space and time for the couple to set aside the day-to-day routines and focus on enjoying each other.    

Throughout the past 25 years, regardless of our income, James and I continued to date.  From picnics at local parks to near-by restaurants, we made spending time alone a priority.

 

One thing I know for sure is that dating is one tool to keep a marriage exciting and fun!  What are you waiting on?  Go plan your date for July.

Cinderella has Nothing on Me,          

                    …. that I know for sure!

What girl doesn’t like a good romantic fairy-tale?  My favorite is Cinderella.  As a young girl, I would imagine myself sliding my foot into the glass slipper, being rescued by prince charming, and living with him happily every after. 

It was with this mythical image of love that I entered into marriage. This month James and I will celebrate our 25^th Wedding anniversary. This is a huge milestone for us in part because neither of our parents was happily married at their 25th-year mark, and because 25 years ago, James was recovering from a broken neck. The car accident occurred five-days before our originally planned wedding day.  It was a long 10 months to recovery, but through God’s grace, my prince and I  finally wed on June 20, 1987, just weeks after doctor’s removed James’ halo. 

As it is with all good fairy tales, our story is one of trials and triumphs. We’ve had our disappointments, setbacks, and challenges, but we’ve also had unforgettable experiences that have shaped and sharpened our commitment to each other.  There were the birth of our son, Jamison, international trips, family-shared holidays, and the every day expressions of love.   One thing I know for sure is that reality is better than myth; Cinderella has nothing on me. My prince and I live in reality and feel truly blessed to have shared 25 years together in love and in faith.

Yvette

      to God be the glory

Are Children a Reason for Mothers to Stay in a Marriage?

‘What message am I sending my boys if I stay with their father after his affair,’ was the question being posed to me.  Before I answered, I quickly thought of my mother and wondered if she ever posed that question to herself.  My mom raised five children while maintaining a marriage that was often bitter-sweet.  Through it all, she instilled Christian values in her children even when we didn’t see them modeled in our father. 
 

The message you’re sending your boys is one of unconditional love, I answered.  Your decision to work on your marriage is a message of commitment to your husband and to your children.  It’s telling your boys that you don’t give up the first time an issue arises.  It’s an unselfish message of how their happiness is important enough to you that you’re willing to work through issues with your husband in order to provide a healthy two-parent home for them.  The message is one of forgiveness, and of faith --- faith in God that He can and will change things for your good.

 

These are the things I learned watching my mother, and the things I hope I’ve taught my own son.          

Today I salute all mothers, especially those who’ve stayed in a not-so-perfect marriage in order to provide a healthy two-parent home for their children. May God bless you this Mother’s Day and forever more.